10 things I WOULD tell someone newly diagnosed with Breast Cancer

Following on from my last blog post (Radiating Truth) I thought I would put together a little list of things I WOULD tell someone that is newly diagnosed with Breast Cancer. Probably applicable to any Cancer really.

The next few months will be BUSY 🤯

The appointments start stacking up pretty damn quick. One minute you have a GP appointment, the next it's all scans, biopsies, phone calls and blood tests. That's before chemo/radio or surgery even starts - then there's all the pre-ops, daily zaps and check ups. I never expected this would be a time I would have to be so organised. You will need a diary and it will be full! Extra chaos if you have children in the mix too - organising childcare and everything they have going on into the mix is crazy! 🤯🤪

There are lots of different Cancers and lots of different treatments

It can be so confusing and scary once the treatment options have been discussed and you're sat there thinking "Well Sarah down the road had Breast Cancer but she has this and that" and wondering a) why you aren't getting the same and b) if the doctor is missing something and you need that too. I followed other ladies on social media and would panic when I saw they received what seemed like extra treatments in a different part of the country thinking I needed them or I'd die. In reality, Cancer is not a one-size-fits-all kinda thing. Its actually a really complicated thing 🤓. Treatment options depend of sooo many things such as hormone receptors, size, its spread and the type of tissue to name a few. Always worth a chat with the Oncologist if unsure though!

The way you see your body will change

I don't see my boobs as boobs anymore. Which is a bit upsetting when I think about what they used to mean to me. The amount of people that will see them is unreal. You may even have them photographed 👀 (for medical reasons) and what you will be left with most definitely won't be the same as what you started with. You may end up with some new tattoos or some extra scars. Then there's the other side, your body will probably change in size and shape but will have survived 100% of the toughest of days and that's pretty badass if you ask me. I didn't seem to process this until after though.

Your relationships may change

Going through traumatic things is enough to test even the strongest of friendships and relationships and Cancer is right up there with it. I found people I thought would be there, distanced themselves and others I'd not been close to for a while be right there when I needed them. Treatment can go on for months to years in reality and it separates out those that are genuinely there and those who where there because they thought they should.

It's impossible to be positive all of the time

I was soo guilty of thinking I needed to be positive all of the time but looking back I now realise you can't. Its impossible and there is such as thing as toxic positivity. Cancer is absolutley shite and its absolutely okay to be angry and pissed off with the fact its happened to you. Going through Cancer treatment will be a rollercoaster - sometimes you'll feel like you're smashing it 👊 and that will be followed by been in the pits of doom ☠️. Knowing this is going to happen will help and make sure things are in place for the doom days.

A diagnosis doesn't just affect one person

Without taking anything away you and your diagnosis, it's also so important to remember how this is going to affect those around you. It's not just the emotional aspect a loved one will be dealing with the but actual practical things too. My husbands work was affected as he tried to come to as many appointments as he could to be there for me, drive me when I couldn't and pick the kids up when I was too ill. He still ends up sat next to me on his laptop in the hospital while im having infusions - most people still have to have some sort of income coming in, that’s the reality. This then knocked onto my friends and immediate family who all chipped in and made a bit of a rota of who could take me where and when as well as who could have the kids if we were at the hospital late. You will need support! 🤗

Advocacy is key 🔑

There is no doubt there is going to be times when you will have to push for things to happen in your care. This is upsetting and frustrating but is a reality of our overstretched NHS at the moment. Obviously I am eternally grateful for the care received but there were plenty of times I (more often my husband!) had to push to get a Dr to come prescribe a drug to make me comfortable or chase a test result. The way things work is that change cannot happen if people don't raise it - so speak up and provide feedback when given the opportunity!

Ask for help and be blunt

Its more than likely that people will want to help in anyway they can - let them. Let them help with the cleaning, looking after the kids or getting some food in. People will feel helpless and not know what to do, so tell them. When you're feeling crap, been sick and on the loo, the last thing you might want is people coming round but if they're coming round to do something there's less pressure to entertain and and host. The other plus is having some jobs done might make you feel better too, I know I'm a tidy house, tidy mind kinda gal.

You've got lifetime membership love

What I didn't expect, is how long my diagnosis would be in my life or take up substantial space in my brain. Don't get me wrong, the further away from active treatment you get, the less space and time it occupies and it stops been at the forefront but it will always be there. It's like a membership to the shittest club ever. There will be the check ups that become yearly or the surgery to fix something - knowing that its a long game would probably have changed some of the decisions I made earlier on.

There is support but its not perfect

There are multiple Breast Cancer charities in the UK (ill link them at the end) ❤️ that offer sound advice and access to healthcare professions which are invaluable. There is also Maggies, another charity that has centres dotted across the country that offer a place to go chat, cry and get information. My local one is gorgeous and a lovely space (we go here between appointments as it has wifi and free tea/coffee!). There is also a large community of people sharing their personal experiences through Instagram, Facebook and the rest. I found the social media aspect both a solace and a curse at times but helpful overall. MacMillan offer a mix of advice from practical things such as finances to bits on different cancer types. What I found to be missing was actual financial support - something you don't want to be worrying about while trying not to die and get through the gruelling treatments. Check your critical illness insurance if you have it - this is what it is for!

Most importantly…

DO. NOT. SUFFER.

There is nearly always something the doctors and nurses can do to make things more comfortable. If you’re freezing cold when having chemo, been sick or struggling to sleep because of the gallons of steroids you get pumped with. Tell your team. There's drugs for starting and stopping every bodily function, painkillers and sometimes the nurses have little tricks they've picked up that make a certain thing that bit better. You don't have to be a martyr and suffer through it, its crap enough. Sometimes you may have to be blunt about how you're feeling or get someone to advocate for you (my husband really helped when I was too poorly to battle over meds) which is frustrating - but very worth it. The oncologists can also change treatments and doses of chemos etc accordingly - it’s a long game here and “getting on with it” is so not worth it.

Hope that helps! Pass this onto anyone you know and anyone who needs to know ❤️

Kirst x

Links

www.breastcancernow.org

https://www.macmillan.org.uk/

https://www.maggies.org/

Instagram accounts to follow

Dr Liz O'Riordan - @oriordanliz

The Titty Gritty - @thetittygritty

Dr Tasha -@drtashag

Cancer in Common - @cancerincommon

Girls vs Cancer - @girlvscancer