Page 3 debut

Wow what a week this week. Just a heads up that this post probably isn't going to be as chirpy as the last few (well 2 - who do I think I am hahah) so fair play if you wanna click the back button! This week has been the hardest so far. I always knew that this journey would be a rollercoaster, that there would be really good days, really crap days and 'meh' days. The last few weeks have been mainly good vibey days of genuine happiness and positivity. But this week for some reason, my energy has tapered off a little - even though I have had so much good happen this week. I'm putting it down to the fact I'm a bit tired and rundown and there IS a lot bloody going on so its to be expected really. Still annoying though.

Annnnnnyways - on Monday I had my appointment with the consultant following the fabulous results that there was no cancer in my lymph nodes (as much as my energy has been dwindling, I am still dancing about this!). This meant the consultant would now have a definite plan of action in terms of what surgery he wanted to perform and when. And he did not disappoint! They've got me booked in for the 30th of June (yep just over 2 weeks time!) to have a skin sparing mastectomy with immediate reconstruction. What that means is basically they'll take the whole of the cancerous boob and surrounding boob tissue away as my tumour is so big (the bloody thing was 12cm when they discovered it), then put an implant straight into the pocket of skin so I'll still have a boob. They are then going to reduce the size my healthy boob to match the other side. So hopefully I'll get a new pair of knockers that aren't heading south (silver lining and all that). I am also having a Sentinel Lymph Node Biopsy (SLNB) which is where the inject the tumour with radioactive tracer and dye before the operation and then during the operation, the surgeon will see which lymph node(s) the tumour has been draining into. That lymph node and possibly a few of its close friends will then be removed and sent to the lab for triple checking for cancer even though my last 2 results have come back negative. I'm not having the dye though cos I have allergies and knowing me it'll be this dye that kills me off.

After signing all the consent forms and discussing the ins and outs of the surgery and its possible complications I was told to head straight down to have a pre-op (efficient eyy-I like!) and not to forget to 'pop' in to medical photography before I leave. The surgeon assured me it was just to have some photos taken so he could decide what range of implants he would order for the surgery as he wouldn't know what size implant he would be using until he has removed the tumour and breast tissue. I strolled out of the offices after speaking with the breast care nurses (after every appointment with the consultant, you then have a chat with the breast care nurses in a separate room - I think this is so you have a chance to ask questions in a more chilled environment with someone you've spoke to more casually) and then it dawned on me what medical photography actually flippin meant. Basically I was gonna have a little topless photoshoot at the hospital. Brilliant.

So yeah it actually was what I thought it was. A topless photoshoot. 5 angles to be precise. I got in the room and it was a black studio with big lights on springs and the man with his camera asked me to stand in front of this black box. "We're just going to take 5 angles today, front on, each side at 90 degrees and some obliques. Don't worry we'll chop your face off" - okaaaay I thought as I stood there so awkward in my manky black leggings and my boobs out in front of 2 massive lights and a man with a camera. It was over quick though and I quite enjoyed been able to say "Yep I know what obliques are, I'm a student radiographer!". Its the little things. And its not everyday you can say you've more or less had a page 3 shoot this morning haha.

Its not everyday you can say you've more or less had a page 3 shoot this morning

I've also been on placement this week and loved the hospital I've been at this week. Spurred on by the ticking timebomb of my surgery I have literally been on it like a woman possessed this week and managed to get all 4 of my clinical assessments done in 1 week (including 3 in 1 day!). Basically to pass this module in Year 1 of my course, I had to pass assessments in Upper Limb, Lower Limb, Chest and Bucky (Pelvis/Spine) X-ray and it covers every part of the examination from start to finish such as deciding whether the patients X-ray is justified to setting the equipment up, looking after the patient, following radiation protection and been able to recognise if your image is diagnostic, acceptable and be able to talk about all the anatomy present on the image. Plus all the bits in between. Very tiring.

I think overall I've just had a busy week and its worn me out. I'm not sure if I've picked up a cold or its hay fever that's attacking me or both but this weekend I have been so drained.

I went for a meal with some friends on Friday but I was so tired all I could think about was going to bed even though I love been around them so much and appreciate my other friend that cooked us all food. I was supposed to be watching the football at family friends house this afternoon with the kids and some family and friends but I had a shower and just fell asleep on my bed. I just couldn't bring myself to go out and socialise. So I've stayed at home on my own and tried to chill and ended up writing this because I'm tired but I don't know what to do with myself but feel drained and crappy. I don't know what I want to be honest. I think I feel okay about the op and everything because I'm so glad that it's happening so soon but there is quite a lot to sort. The breast care nurse called me for the 2nd part of my pre-op on weds and asked me if I had looked in the post-surgery bras and button down shirts and PJs. The answer was no. I don't even know where to start! On the same day my wedding venue also emailed me to confirm our date change (we've already moved it twice cos of Covid) and it dawned on me that if I have chemo, which seems to be highly likely, I might not have my hair on my wedding day (April 2022) and it set me off. That's been one of the the things that's upset me the most so far for some reason.

When I found out I had cancer one of the first things I did was buy a new journal and then went to paperchase (my favey shop) and bought myself some things that would cheer me up on the days when things weren't as rosy and sparkly. So I've just done a lucky dip and picked an affirmation card out and flipped to a positive quote! Here they are!